Random thoughts
It's been a while since I posted. Schedule has gotten pretty busy, but I still want to try and post here, just to get thoughts out. I also have an actual paper journal that I also have been remiss in writing in. Seems to go in cycles, oh well just flow with the cycle I suppose. I'll separate my thoughts into topics...
MomOctober 13th was the anniversary of her death. It has been three years now. It is weird, I don't know if I can really explain my grief because it changes each day. Sometimes I just want to curl up and cry because I miss her so much. Other times it is more bittersweet, when I will think of something she would have laughed at or how much I think she and G would have gotten along. All these shows now about ghos whiperers...makes me wonder if she is out there looking over me. But then I think thats all a bunch of crap and am I just playing into the dramatizations etc. I guess the only thing is I will just continue to miss my mom.
WLSI had my two month (actually seems like it should be longer) follow up with the doctor on Monday. The official loss is 45 pounds. On the one hand that seems like only a little bit, but then on the other thats a heck of a lot for two months! Everyone at the dr's office was pleased with my progress so I guess I can't complain. I finally can start to see the changes myself. A couple of people have mentioned they can see it in my face...thats great but I want to see it in my thighs! :)
The holidaysWent to a Halloween/birthday party this weekend, had a fun time although didn't know too many people there. Hung out for a little bit was good to socialize. I suggested to G that we have a cocktail type party after the new year. This Thanksgiving my dad and his wife are coming to visit. G actually invited them. There are still some unresolved issues between G and my dad's wife. I know it was a big step for him to ask them, I know he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do but I also think he did it partly for me. I hope that it will also be an opportunity to talk and while I think the words that were said about G can never be forgotten, maybe it can be a chance to discuss and move forward. We will see what happens. We have several things planned but I honestly do hope that we can talk as a family.
MeMy schedule has gotten a bit crazy with the two classes and a big workload at work. I'm starting to feel a little stressed, but trying to handle it and not let too much pile up. I have to be smart about what I can delegate at work...that should help a bit. I also worry I don't help as much at home. G and I have been supposed to make a "chore list" as neither one of us married the other for our housekeeping skills (I gave G a glimpse of that on our first date!) and we keep putting it off. Although we do have the laundry down, G does and I put away :) I was going to call my friend in CA tonight, as G reminded me, but now its later (but not that late in CA). I always worry I'm interrupting something when I call so of course I am going to put it off...but I will call this week.
Not much to update
But thought I would try to be regular in posting here. Being back at work is going well, not noticing any problem with stamina. I am almost done with my first session of school. It's been interesting, i'm not sure if I like the online thing. I am taking two classes next session, one in person and one online. I have a feeling I am going to be a little strapped for time!
I didn't work out today. But I figure if I work out Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri, Sun, thats a good 5 days. And also on Wednesdays I have to recover from being up late to watch the recording of The Amazing Race. And on that note I was quite bummed that the Aiello family was eliminated. It was the family with a dad and three son-in-laws. They were just so nice, as G and I were saying even when they were frustrated they didn't snap at each other and treated eachother with respect. I know, it's silly to get so involved in a show, but I can't help it !
Yesterday was my birthday...
37...I'm old! But it was actually a good day. We are saving festivities for the weekend. My team made me a cake and gave me a very nice present.
On another note, I reached a mini-goal the other day in my weight loss. On Monday when I weighed myself at the gym I was 298...finally under 300 woo hoo! Then on Wednesday I weighed at 296, even better. I would like to get down to at least 250 by the end of the year. I think that is a doable goal.
I did, however, for the first time get sick yesterday. It wasn't pleasant. It was after I had some popcorn chicken nuggets. Lesson learned there, never again!
Being back at work is going well, I seem to be able to keep up, I was a little concerned that I would get tired, but that doesn't seem to be an issue. Although the past couple of days, including today too there has been a lot of food at work! That can get frustrating!!! But oh well, it's going well.
My life of leisure is almost over
Well I am almost back to work. Recovery has gone well, I can't really complain. I've been tired sometimes and I sometimes get frustrated that I can't just sit down and take a big bite of a burger or something. But, all in all, it is going to well. I do think I have a lot of my energy back. I am trying to make plans to make sure I am prepared when I go back to work to make sure I am eating on my schedule getting my mini meals and my water in. Should go well.
It has been nice just kind of hanging out with G, even though he has said I'm driving him up a wall. We have played many hands of cards (Phase 10 to be specific) and several rounds of miniature golf. I am ahead for the minature golf season, but there is no way I will ever catch up in the lifetime Phase 10 record. (even counting my two recent wins).
I just got back in touch with my good friends from CA. In fact I would call them my best friends. It was great to talk to H, seems like things are going really well for her and her family. It was awesome to talk to J as well. Like her and I have always said, while we may have times that we don't stay in touch because of life or whatever, we can pick up like we just talked. It was really great. I actually have my husband to thank for "reminding" me to reconnect and I am so glad he did. Actually talking to J got me more excited to be heading back to CA. If H or J is reading I want you to know it was so great to get back in touch, and I hope we can continue!
So, full confession, I have kind of been procrastinating. The things I have to do this week, write a draft for my class and work on reading some of the sources for my paper. And my resume (and some job seeking). I'm not sure why I've been procrastinating...but I will get those done by the end of this week. Earlier this week G and I did do some work in the basement and in the extra room, cleared some boxes...you know those boxes that move around with you but you never open. Was able to get rid of some stuff, have a pile of clothes to donate, and some new clothes to wear that fit me again. The one thing left in the closet is my Mom's boxes. I think I am ready to do that, but not sure. We will see when I start going through them. When we were going through the other boxes I came across a birthday card that my mom had given me around the time that her and my dad started having problems (that's a long story for another time) and she had signed it "from Mom only", it made me cry. Sometimes it catches me at the strangest time, how much I miss her and just want to talk to her. I've written about this before other places, but I hate the moves for how the portray when someone has died and the other person is missing them. There will be the flutter of a breeze or a butterfly that alights on a sholder and the person that is alive will be sure that the person who is no longer there knows that their loved one is with them (along with all these ghost whisperer shows that are on tv now). I hate them because I want that movie moment and I haven't gotten it, I just miss my mom.
Wow this has gotten to be a lengthy post. (probably because I have been neglecting my traditional journal and my food log! again with the procrastinating).
Good Movie...Date Night
G and I went to the movies tonight. Usually we don't do movies on a Saturday, it just gets too crazy, but G indulged me as I wanted to see the sneak preview of "In Her Shoes" (based on the book by Jennifer Weiner). It was really great, I really loved the book and you always hope that they do a good job with the movie, and in this case they did. I highly recommend it! We also played air hockey and yes, I lost all 3 games, although the last game was close (but I still lost). We had a quick dinner at Panda Express before going to the movie...I was going to get egg drop soup but they didn't have it, G and I split a combo entree, I had the beef and green beans, which actually sat well...or so I thought until we were sitting in the movie. I didn't get sick but I felt a bit uncomfortable for about a half hour. That will teach me (of course I have had several of these uncomfortable episodes where I have felt uncomfortable). I think the key for me is not to feel rushed and realize I need to take the time to eat slowly...I will feel so much better!Wasn't very productive today, that should improve tomorrow...we are trying to so some cleaning and organizing...we'll see how it goes.
More Random Thoughts
My perfect record in minature golf went down last night. We played a different course than our little local one, that must have made the difference in my minature golf dominance.
I was just having lunch and I ate too big of a piece and boy did my pouch tell me that it didn't like it. I was quite uncomfortable there for a few minutes. It is weird I get the full sensation so much higher up then I am used to.
I just checked out from the library "I'm Not The New Me" by Wendy McClure. It is good book. Her blog is
http://www.poundy.com. It of course talks about adventures in weight loss and being a fat girl. I also just read Conversations with the Fat Girl by Liza Palmer and her excellent blog is
http://carmenandjane.blogspot.com. It is an interesting topic, one I am actually trying to come to terms with. Here I am having taken the big step of gastric bypass surgery, but I have never been ashamed to be the "fat girl". It is a fine line to walk between accepting who I am and wanting to be healthier (and sure I'm not going to lie improving my physical appearance is part of it too) and just bowing to the pressure to be thin in todays society. It's an interesting quandry for women.
This weekend I am going to see the sneak preview of "In Her Shoes" based on the most excellent book of the same name by Jennifer Weiner. Another "real-women" positive story. I loved the book so much, I am really looking forward to the movie. I have such a good husband, I drag him along to countless chick flicks. (Of course on of his favorite movies is You've got Mail).
We took Miss Emily (the most excellent fur-child--golden retriever mix of some kind) to Cooper Part and let her play in the water. She loved it so much and I almost fell on my ass in the water. A fun time was had by all. She is now napping I am sure having great doggy dreams. She has the best dreams we are sure, based on the noises and movements she makes while sleeping. She barks, she groans, she even howls. It is great.
I think I might try to take a quick nap, then a shower, and then the reading for my class that I have been putting off. I don't have any other assignments so it is a good day to get ahead in preparation for the 10 page paper we have to rite at the end of the session which is coming up in 4 weeks.
So it begins again...
I've read a couple of great blogs recently and was inspired to start anew a blog adventure. I had a livejournal blog, but didn't really update much, I also had another blog here, but hadn't updated since 2002!So here's the new incarnation. We'll see how it goes.Tuesday was a black cloud day for me. First, Big Brother 6, the whole thing was disappointing because Janelle didn't make it to the final two. The finale was just boring! I know it is just a game but I've been home and it is surprising how involved I can get :) Then Rock Star INXS. Yes the whole gimmick is a little weird. Like G said didn't they almost make a movie like this? So the final 3 JD, Marty, and Mig. I was hoping the final two would come down to Marty and Mig...there is just something about JD that is so smarmy. He basically kissed the band's ass the whole way through, I guess that is what it take to get the job. I think Marty would have been a good choice to take the band in a new direction. JD's INXS performances are too much like the "old" INXS. I also think that it's not going to last long, there is something about JD that I think he is not going to get along with the guys in the band (or vice versa).I mentioned above that I have been home. That is because I had gastric bypass surgery on 8/19/05. It has been an adventure. I head back to work in about a week. I probably could go back now but it is nice to have the extra time. Recovery has actually been going pretty well. The first week or so was uncomfortable, especially sleeping, but it has gotten better and I am basically back to normal...except with a very small stomach. It is still a little bit difficult to wrap my head around my new portion sizes. 1/4 cup is about all I can eat in a sitting or one ounce of meat. It's not that I am hungry or anything, that amount fills me up, and I eat about 5-6 times a day which is what is recommended. It is just different. Alright enough blabbing for now, I have to do some school work (I'm working on a Masters degree) and I have an online class.
